I have lived most of the last 12 years of my life in Trust and Faith. This is a paradox in our world of uncertainty. I live in Trust and Faith that my Soul will guide me perfectly. Trust and Faith that my life is unfolding exactly as it should. Trust and Faith that everything that occurs in my life is part of a Soul Agreement I made before I entered into this embodiment to assist me in Awakening to the Truth of my Being as God. Trust and Faith that I create my own reality. Trust and Faith that I am a spiritual being having a human experience here rather than just a human being. Trust and Faith that my life has meaning, that I make a difference, and that My Love matters.
In my family, I learned to be fearful of making the wrong decision. I learned very early not to trust myself. I was a master of looking outside of myself, particularly to my parents, teachers, and others for validation and assistance because I could not depend upon myself to make good decisions. These unresolved feelings of unworthiness manifested in a variety of illnesses in my physical body. Life was very fearful, filled with anxiety attacks and periods of repetitive vomiting.
I did not have a strong understanding of my own egoic nature and certainly was not aware of my true nature. That is, I did not know that I had access to an unlimited source of Love and guidance within myself from my Soul, which is my connection with God. I was not aware that a Bigger Picture of my life was available through my Soul. It was there for the asking.
When I began to listen to my Heart, I knew that there was much more I could experience if I but had the faith of a tiny mustard seed. I trusted this fully. I began my journey to find my Soul. I found it and have been doing "The Work", as guided by my Soul, ever since.
Many years later, I am living at a very different level. I no longer live in the polarity of right and wrong. This has taken years of work in the inchworm fashion, breaking down walls of learned rigid behaviors, surrendering control of my little will to Divine Will.
Now I am able to live peacefully with paradox. I am able to release attachment to living in the polarities of right and wrong, good and bad. I no longer worry about making right or wrong decisions. I reference my Soul for all decisions. I trust that whatever my Soul brings forth is from the highest place of Love. Referencing Soul has been a journey in deepening my Love for myself. From a place of knowing/loving myself at the highest level, I can hold the space for others to come into greater Self-Love, as well.
When I released living in the polarity of good, bad/right, wrong, I took an enormous step toward freedom for myself. I am living in the moment, not governed by dogma, patterns, or family laws. I open to embrace both possibilities so that I can be in a place of neutrality. I am not pulled by or reactive to either side. I stepped off the swinging pendulum of my egoic experience when I stepped out of black-white thinking. I trust that Divine Order is always in place. Each situation in which I find myself is unfolding according to Soul Agreements made between me and the individual involved prior to embodiment. Every situation I create is for my Awakening. I accept that I no longer judge another because of these Agreements. I ask my Soul to reveal to me the Soul Agreements when I have a tendency to judge. This moves me into a place of neutrality, clarity, and compassion.
By operating from this Bigger Picture, I experience my true freedom. I am no longer held down by pettiness, reactivity, or the egoic need for control, manipulation, protection, defense, judgement, and criticism. All these seek to keep us in a place of powerlessness.
My experience in life is now one of greater nonattachment to the dense energy of form. I can experience more light and energy of formlessness. I am open for more Love to infill me and to flow through me.
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