As a little girl I grew up thinking my purpose was to be just like my mom, with some minor improvements. I had it all planned. I was going to grow up to be ravishingly beautiful, with a glamorous career. Then I would marry Prince Charming, be fabulously wealthy, and live happily ever after.
But somewhere along the line, I began to wonder about my real purpose in life. I realized that, rather than chase after a corporate career, a husband, children, money, and status, what I really wanted was to know myself as God. To know who I am beyond the daily circumstances of my life. To understand the true meaning of all the Divine Set-ups in my life.
So I gave up my push for "success," and got down to the business of finding my Divinity. I gave up going to parties and dating fun guys in favor of sitting at home, trying to hear the still, small voice of my Soul. I let go of wearing the right clothes and driving the hottest car in favor of showing up for meditation group. Eventually, I began to see that my deep passion, my "Divine Madness", is to express myself through performance art. It's not acting itself that is my passion, but the creative process and what I can give to people through the theatre.
The pursuit of my passion has taken me on some tipsy, windy roads. I have worked a number of low paying, odd jobs just because they gave me more time to go to rehearsals. I have worked as a janitor, a secretary, a babysitter, a door to door salesman, a hotel desk clerk, an administrator, a ghostwriter, an account executive, a telemarketer, an exotic dancer, a dishwasher, and a housecleaner, to name a few. I used to resent having to make money to survive because I thought that it took me away from my purpose. Now I see that those jobs taught me my greatest lessons about my purpose.
I came to know that all jobs are really the same job. I learned to be a "shape shifter," to be lovingly present in all situations and with all people. I learned that I am here to open my Heart and to Love the human beings I serve. I am here to see people as they truly are, to see their humanity as my humanity, their Divinity as my Divinity. This has greatly enhanced my creativity because I no longer see myself only as a thespian. When I perform a glamorous theatre role at night, and then am a desk clerk during the day, I see that it is all the same job. My purpose is not about me as ego. It is about Love, which remains the same. I have come to see that without the purpose of Loving, nothing makes sense. All efforts, all successes, all material goods are a waste of time. Amidst all the costume changes in my life, both figurative and literal, it is my Love, my purpose, that remains unchanged and eternal.
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