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Esoteric Teachings / God Thoughts

#10 - There Is Nowhere To Go And Nothing To Do

Everything in our lives is in Divine Order. Everything in our lives serves our Awakening. Everything we need to awaken is within us, not outside ourselves. We do not need to physically move into another, "more holy", environment to awaken. Nor, do we need to "do" anything. All that is necessary is, simply, to "Be". To be in a state of acceptance and surrender and to live in the Serene Center of our Being within our Hearts. You already know this within your Heart, but your mind has difficulty grasping the simplicity of this concept.

Perhaps you are as I was-continuously seeking someone or something in someplace, anyplace but here, (how could it possibly be here?), to jar me into remembering who I am; to take the responsibility for waking me up.

I took a journey to India to see a holy man, who I believed would awaken me, or at the very least, provide the impetus I needed for my enlightenment/awakening. I sought fulfillment and enlightenment through him. I wanted a formula. I wanted someone outside of myself to accept responsibility for my awakening and salvation. Someone to tell me what to do and when to do it. Bliss, for me, was fleeting, if existent at all. I believed that I must be flawed in some way. "I am flawed, " I thought. "Here, I've come to India. I've sung, I've chanted, I've been in the presence of a master-certainly I must be doing something wrong if I am not awakened."

I neglected to see, and he didn't share with me, that I already had within me the one true source-my Soul. All I need do is bring my attention to it. I do not need to go anywhere or do anything. Truly, there is nowhere to go and nothing to do. Are you beginning to grasp this? We each carry, within the Serene Center of our Being within our Heart, the key to the doorway of Awakening. The means to awaken is through our Soul, resident within each of our Hearts. We need not seek our awakening in any foreign land; in any church or synagogue; through any means other than our Soul. The key to our Divinity is our Soul. The realm of all possibility is within our Soul.

Returning from India, I felt utter despair. I hadn't experienced God as I had expected. I yearned to feel an abiding love; a sense of belonging; a sense that there was a reason for me to be alive; a knowingness or a belief that God knew of my existence. I believed I must not be good enough or lovable enough for God to move me or move within me.

Feelings of worthlessness progressed into depression and hopelessness. I cried, "What is wrong with me? Why not me? Why have I been forsaken and abandoned by God?" THAT was the enduring question of my life; the great irony of my life.

Depressed, I continued, intermittently, to sit in The Silence, a practice I had learned over the years. And, guess what? The depression would lift. I felt connected to All That Is, Divine Love. Sitting in The Silence, indeed, sitting with God each morning, changed the tenor of my day. It flowed. I didn't take myself so seriously. I didn't take my life so personally. Guess what else would happen? I would quit doing the one thing which made my life bearable, livable, connected, and joyful. I would sabotage my sense of well-being. My ego was too threatened; how could I not take my life personally? How could I quit the drama of my daily life? I would certainly need to quit my addiction to drama; to being "right"; to suffering; to judgment and criticism; control and manipulation, protection and defense; to alcohol and nicotine. These addictions were the mainstays of my identity. How could I give them up? How could I give up the "me" I knew? What happened to change this pattern?

Following The Silence one day, as I sat with my eyes closed, I thought about my mother, from whom I was estranged at the time. Inexplicably, I felt Love. I not only felt Love; I was Love. In that moment, I forgave my mother for all her (supposed) imperfections and shortcomings. For one entire day, I experienced a sense of "Being"-and that Being was Love.

On another occasion, while sitting in The Silence, I kept asking "God, where are You? Where have You gone?" I heard "Don't you know, my child? I haven't gone anywhere. I have always been with you." Quite unaccustomed to hearing voices inside or outside of my head…I know, and I believe to this day, that God spoke to me. I was surprised by each of these occurrences, because they were unusual for me. Each of these instances allowed me to begin to trust, little by little, the God Presence within me.

From these cautious first steps, I have continued to place one foot in front of the other. Moving slowly, but surely toward my Awakening.

It does take discipline and spiritual muscle to do the practices-and, boy! What a pay-off!!

Through the Practices I have learned, accepted, and come to trust God, which I am; the God which I experience in The Silence. I am not perfect. Sometimes I slip and fall back into my old habits, negating what I know to be true. When I flex my spiritual muscle, I experience my Divinity. I know this is real. I am at once the creator and the creation. I know I hold all answers to all questions within The Serene Center of my Being within my Heart. There is Nowhere to Go and Nothing to Do.


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