My Worst End Scenario:

There is no God. I know only Fear. I am consumed, paralyzed by this omnipresent Fear deep within me, devouring my very core. My Heart is heavy, hard, frozen. Each attempted heartbeat brings searing pain. My veins and arteries are fused, creating a vacuum. My Heart strangles and implodes. There is no God.

There IS Hell, however. It's here, right now, in me. I create my own daily Hell. I am drowning in misery and despair. I am a glutton of self-abuse. My desolation and self-hatred leads me to eat myself into depression and physical illness. I spend myself into financial ruin. I am dishonest in my relationships. I manifest irreparable damage to end relationships. My life is meaningless, purposeless. There is no God.

I am imprisoned in Shadow, pain, and suffering. I am in utter despair. The reality I manifest is putrid, cankerous, and fetid. I am shattered. The razor-edged shards of my despair pierce my Heart, emptying my Life's blood. My Heart is a sieve. I cannot give or receive Love. There is no Love. There is no God.

I cannot breathe; I cannot find air. I am suffocating. I am in total darkness. I cannot see the Light. There is no Light. I scream. There is no sound. No one hears. I am alone. I am abandoned and desolate. I fall into the bottomless abyss. I am in a void, without any possibility of salvation. There is no God.

I am untouchable, unlovable. I do not love me. I hate myself. God does not love me. God cannot touch me. I cannot touch God. There is no God.

I am no longer alive. I am dead. There is no afterlife. I cease to exist. It is as though I never existed. There is no me. There is no God.

b.)	Psychological Perspective:

1.)	Who/What imprinted you? And How?

1.)	The church imprinted me with the belief that I am a weak, helpless sinner and of no worth to God.
2.)	The church imprinted me with the belief that I was born in the image of God. There is no God, so who am I?
3.)	The church imprinted me with the belief that I need to be saved. There is no God, so who will save me?
4.)	The church imprinted me with the belief that I will go to Hell. There is no God, so who will save me?
5.)	My church imprinted me with the belief that God is a far-off heavenly judge.
6.)	My mother and my church imprinted me with the belief that I must suffer in order to please God.
7.)	My mother and my church imprinted me with the belief that God is outside of me.
8.)	My mother imprinted me with the belief that all of my prayers would be answered if I was good enough, and prayed hard enough. If not, God would abandon me.
9.)	My father imprinted me with the belief that there is no safety in this world. Isn't God supposed to protect me?
10.)	My father imprinted me with rebellious hatred for God.
11.)	My father imprinted me with the idea that life is hard, and filled with pain, suffering, despair, and misery, and then you die.
12.)	My parents and my church imprinted me with fear of my own thoughts and ideas, fearing God's punishment and wrath; and fear of losing God's Love.

2.)

The Payoff. Name it. Name the Negative Power that feeds the Payoff.

The payoff I get from believing that there is No God is that I get to be my own master, my only check or balance. I answer only to myself. I can be brutal and harmful to myself and others if I want to. I can practice the art of covertly hurting others, for my own gain, to feel power over them. I do not have to atone to anyone for my beliefs or for my behavior, because I make my own rules. I can be unforgiving and unloving, because there is No God to model my behavior after. I am all-powerful; I am in control. Feeling all-powerful and in control makes me feel that I exist. At the same time, I can act out being a sinner. I can revel in my victimhood! Suffering gives me a false sense of security and feeds my Rage. My Rage is my core essence. My Rage is my Being. It consumes me and catapults me into the false security of my own omnipotence. My Rage is the Negative Power that sanctions these Payoffs.

3.)	What I need to change… inside myself.

1.)	I need to change my feelings of abandonment and blame into feelings of self-worth, courage, and wholeness.
2.)	I need to change my feelings of despair into Hope by trusting in myself.
3.)	I need to change my feelings of fear of abandonment into feeling cherished by connecting with my Heart and opening to the Love within.
4.)	I need to change my feelings of being shattered into feeling the parts of myself coming back together by practicing Self-Love.
5.)	I need to change my feelings of isolation into feeling connected to all that I am through union and communion with My Soul.
6.)	I need to change my feelings of being deceived into trusting and forgiving myself, others and God.
7.)	I need to change my feelings of being depressed into Joy by having the courage to live my Life.
8.)	I need to change my feelings of being empty and hollow into feelings of wholeness by accessing the Love and Wisdom of my Soul.
9.)	I need to change my feelings of being cheated into feelings of being blessed by honoring that everything is in Divine Order.
10.)	I need to change my feelings of being paralyzed into feeling vital by stepping into the dance of my Life.
11.)	I need to change my Rage and self-destructiveness into Self-Love by bringing my Consciousness to my actions of self-abuse.
12.)	I need to change the belief that "there is No God" into living in Peace by being in union and communion with Me...my Self, my Spirit, my Soul, my God…24 hours a day.

4.)	Unfinished Mommy/Daddy Business:

1.)	Like my mother, I am ashamed of my religious beliefs.
2.)	Like my mother, I am paralyzed by anyone who opposes me. Is God really on my side?
3.)	Like my mother, I acquiesce in the face of any conflict expecting my courage to come from God.
4.)	Like my father, I am heartless and uncaring, just like his concept of God.
5.)	Like my father, I am self-absorbed and arrogant, trying to convince God that I am powerful.
6.)	Like my father, I fear both success and failure, and tend to self-sabotage. I set myself up for failure and expect God to save me.
7.)	Like my father, I am fearful about doing anything unless I can do it perfectly. I must be perfect to earn God's Love.
8.)	Like my father, I intimidate and dominate others in order to control the situation. He couldn't control God and neither can I.
9.)	Like my parents, I can be cold and detached, and take my Love away with the mere blink of an eye from anyone who I judge unworthy or unGod-like.
10.)	Like my parents, I am a consummate actor, always hiding my true feelings of worthlessness and fear.
11.)	Like my church, I demand perfection and obedience from others before I give my affection.
12.)	Like my church, I make promises I don't keep.

5.)	Triangulations:
	Show at least 3 triangles with you in each of the three positions: Victim (V), Savior (S), and Persecutor (P).

6.)	Negative Love Patterns:

1.)	My mother taught me - "God is watching. He will punish you if you're bad and make you pay for your sins."
2.)	My mother taught me - "Ask God to help you be good. You certainly can't do it on your own."
3.)	My mother taught me - "I'm so ashamed of you. You should be, too. What will the neighbors (God) think?!"
4.)	My mother taught me - "Nobody will like you with your weird ideas about religion."
5.)	My father taught me - "Spirituality is hogwash."
6.)	My father taught me - "You're really stupid if you believe that."
7.)	My father taught me - "Don't you care about anything? Don't you have any values?"
8.)	My father taught me - "You need your family to keep you safe. You'll just make a mess of it yourself."
9.)	My father taught me - "God never saved anyone...there is no God."
10.)	My father taught me - "You're being watched and you will be punished for being who/what you are."
11.)	My father taught me - "Believing in God is a weakness. Only people who need a crutch believe in God."
12.)	My church taught me -"God will only love you if you do what He says."
13.)	My church taught me - "You must believe in God or you will go to Hell."
14.)	My church taught me - "God is testing you."
15.)	My church taught me - "The Ten Commandments will tell you how to live your life. You won't know how by yourself."
16.)	My church taught me - "Reincarnation doesn't exist. If I am bad, God will see to it that I burn in Hell for all eternity."

c.)	SOUL Perspective:

Symbols from Soul: A physical, human heart appears. It is beating, alive, magnificent. This beating heart changes into two swans that merge to form the pattern of an archetypal heart-shape. The heart-shaped image grows and expands, then transforms into minute particles of Light. The Light dissolves into quiet, full, fertile darkness, the place of Peace and Being. The physical heart represents our physical embodiment (form) and connection with all Humanity. The archetypal Heart-shape represents our Divinity (formlessness) and connection to God. The Heart sees what the eyes cannot; in the formlessness of Heart, we know only Peace and Love. Humanity and Divinity (form and formlessness), though appearing to be opposites, converge into one, wherein the Soul resides. The two swans embody beauty and grace. The uniting of the swans to form the Heart-shape creates the bridge from human love to Divine Love. Each swan's essence is whole, perfect, and complete. Yet, the Heart-shape cannot be created with only one swan - both are essential to the whole. Jointly, they form and emanate the vibration of Love. It is within the Serene Center of our Being within our Hearts that we can experience Love, both human and Divine. The Light and darkness, as seeming polar opposites, are actually the unfoldment of All That Is. Together, Light and darkness become the Oneness, the place of Being. All polarities are sacred. A whole is created within all opposites. When we arrive at the acceptance of "There Is No God", we also know that "God Is". By simultaneously accepting these two polarized positions, we create Oneness with Soul.

5.) Two Practices:

a.)	Sit for 5 minutes a day and connect with my own heartbeat. Revisit my Soul images and know that this connection with my Humanity is also my connection with my Divinity, my inner connection to God.
b.)	I will choose one item from the list of "what I need to change…" I will write it on two small cards, and keep one by my bed and one posted on my bathroom mirror. I will read and reconnect with this affirmation of change every day for one week…and feel the inner connection between myself and God. The next week I will choose another item and repeat the Practice.

6.) Do The Practices every day for one week: Yes!! Yes!!

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