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I Am A Pressure Addict

Next Focus in Divine Consciousness



There is no place to go and nothing to do.



I am a pressure addict.



I feel…
Frenetic Tense Irritable Hollow
Frantic Nervous Burned-out Empty
Panicky Exhausted Exhausted Compressed
Tight Nauseous Unfocused Numb


a.) Ego Perspective:
1.) I am consumed by pressure.
2.) I am devoured by pressure.
3.) I am frantic and exhausted. I can't stop myself.
4.) I gorge on pressure until I am full, bloated, and sick.
5.) I am immobile, impotent, and useless.
6.) I am paralyzed and numb. Why do I have to go to these extremes to feel alive?
7.) I am empty and hollow.
8.) I am a complete failure.
9.) I loathe myself.
10.) I am worthless.
11.) I hate myself! I hate being a God Damned Perfectionist!
12.) I am not worthy of being loved.


Worst End Scenario:

Pressure will always run me. I am totally out of control. I have lost myself compleltely; I have vanished. I become totally exhausted, unable to work, unable to support myself, unable to stop. I lose my friends and become distant and separate from my family. I have abandoned them; they have abandoned me. I have abandoned myself. I live in a cloud of anesthesia; not feeling, not connecting in my life. I no longer see, touch, or feel any connection to my life and those in it. I am isolated, alone, and useless. I feel like dying. I feel dead. I no longer give nor receive love. I hate myself. I want to die.


b.) Psychological Perspective:
1.) Who/What imprinted you? And How?
1.) My father imprinted me with addiction to pressure by constantly pushing me to perform and produce and be perfect.
2.) My father imprinted me with humiliation by telling me I was worthless.
3.) My father imprinted me with incompetence by always pointing out my errors and my weaknesses. I was always judged.
4.) My father imprinted me with self-condemnation by habitual scolding and never praising me.
5.) My father imprinted me with hostility by yelling at me and shaming me.
6.) My father imprinted me with rage by shaking me, beating me, and slamming me around.
7.) My mother imprinted me with guilt by blaming and shaming me and telling me I was naughty, bad girl.
8.) My mother imprinted me with numbness by punishing me for expressing my feelings.
9.) My mother imprinted me with submissiveness by telling me I had no choice. All decisions were up to them.
10.) My mother imprinted me with secretiveness by punishing me for telling the truth, or speaking my point of view.
11.) My mother imprinted me with isolaltion sending me to my room and withdrawing her love and attention.
12.) My mother imprinted me with insecurities by threatening me with my father's rage.

2.) The Payoff. Name it.
Name the Negative Power that feeds the Payoff.
The payoff is I use anger to motivate me. I get angry at myself for not accomplishing enough, for not doing everything right, for being tired, for not being perfect. I compulisvely stay busy and active to avoid feelings of unworthiness. Unless I am pushing myself I feel useless and powerless. I "buy" praise by being the doer. When I make mistakes I feel I am a failure. I do not forgive myself. I feel worthless and unworthy of love. I feel I must "earn" love, self-love, and love from others, by being productive and accomplishing. I use rage to continually fuel my payoff of using anger and self-judgment as a cayalyst.

3.) What I need to change… inside myself.
1.) I need to change my feelings of worthlessness into acknowleldging I am perfect just the way I am.
2.) I need to change my self-judgment into self-praise for my wholeness as God.
3.) I need to change my feelings that I must ignite my performance with anger and rage into trusting my Soul's guidance at all times.
4.) I need to change my feelings of self-hatred into Self-Love.
5.) I need to change my feeling that I must accomplish to be loved into practicing Self-Love, thus opening me to give and receive Love from others.
6.) I need to change my feelings of isolation and emptiness into feelings of acceptance that strengthen my connections to persons and activities in every moment.
7.) I need to change my feelings of shaming and blaming myself into honoring my choices, abilities, and strengths each day.
8.) I need to change my feelings of fear/belittlement when sharing my thoughts/ideas into knowing that I can speak the truth of my mind and heart free from self-judgment.
9.) I need to change my feelings of fear of rejection, and loss of love if I share my true feelings into trusting that I may stand in the Truth of my Being 24 hours a day, unceasingly, and I will know love as well.
10.) I need to change my feelings that I must push, I must be hard, I must be strong to "buy"/ be worthy of love into knowing that I do give and receive love just as I am. I am Loving. I am Love.
11.) I need to change my feelings that I must always be "doing" to be worthy into knowing that Being is enough.
12.) I need to change my pattern of triangualtion into practicing, openness, neutrality, and Oneness in every situation.

4.) Unfinished Mommy/Daddy Business:
1.) Like my father, I push, I push hard.
2.) Like my father I am stubborn and bull-headed.
3.) Like my father I self-generate pressure to ignite performance.
4.) Like my father I throw my anger at others. I am hostile to others and self-destructive.
5.) Like my mother I withdraw/isolate when I feel threatened.
6.) Like my mother I am afraid to share my thoughts and feelings for fear of punishment and loss of love.
7.) Like my mother I shame others so that I may feel "more than".
8.) Like my mother I feel unworthy and insignificant when I am not busy.
9.) Like my parents I am judgmental and critical.
10.) Like my parents I feel that others are always measuring me, and I am falling short.
11.) Like my parents I withhold my love to punish others.
12.) Like my church I believe I must be good and perfect so that God will love me.

5.) Triangulations:
  Show at least 3 triangles with you in each of the three positions: Victim (V), Savior (S), and Persecutor (P). 

6.) Negative Love Patterns:
1.) My mother taught me - "You are lazy".
2.) My mother taught me - "No one will like you if you don't work hard".
3.) My mother taught me - "You have to do better than that because you don't want people to talk about you".
4.) My mother taught me - "You don't try hard enough".
5.) My mother taught me - "You must be quiet and not get in people's way; children should be seen and not heard".
6.) My mother taught me - "When your father gets home he is going to hear about this; you will be punished".
7.) My parents taught me - "You must never speak back to your parents".
8.) My parents taught me - "If you want us to love you, you had better work harder and do it right!".
9.) My father taught me - "If you want me to trust you, you had better straighten up and fly right."
10.) My father taught me - "If you don't want to be punished you had better do what I say, not what I do".
11.) My father taught me - "I'm only hitting you to teach you".
12.) My father taught me - "You don't have to like what you are doing, just do it because I told you to do it".
13.) My father taught me - "I don't care what you think, you do what I say because I say so".
14.) My father taught me authority meant punishment.
15.) My father taught me - "Keep your mouth shut if you don't want to be hurt".
16.) My parents taught me - "You are no good if you are not going to help".


c.) SOUL Perspective:

Symbols from Soul:

The vision given from Soul was of a speedskater, skating fast, flying! No pauses, no hesitation, no tension...relaxed, sublime form. Emanating JOY in every breath, every stroke. Innate confidence and capability vibrate/radiate from this skater. There are huge, black holes along the skater's path. The skater has no fear, no judgment, no distractions regarding these holes; they are part of the path, and they are loved. The skater knows only one true purpose, that is to BE this pure act of skating; living and breathing this gift from God. This action of skating is the manifestation of this skater's Isness. The skater's path has no beginning and no end...this is of no concern...there is only NOW, no time, no future, no past. There is no having to perform; there is only Being.

Symbolically the holes represent the old addictive patterns to pressure and stress. I am back in the hole before I know it. Then I have to struggle to get out. I am also afraid of what skating freely would be like because I have so little practice in doing that. I know what falling in the hole is all about. It is my familiar pattern. It is my comfort zone. My Soul is offering me that which is unfamiliar to me. The "Sweet Ease" of gliding around the holes and getting where I want to go without having to use pressure and stress.

I have been falling in the holes because I have been living in the past and in the future. My attention has not been on the moment. And when the moment taps me on the shoulder, I fall in the hole. If I stay in the moment as my Soul suggests, I will always know where the hole is and I can Consciously choose whether I want to fall in or not.


5.) Two Practices:
a.) I say these Mantras aloud, to myself, in the mirror every morning and evening.
Mantra # 1.
"I acknowledge and honor my God-given abilities for the gifts they truly are".
Mantra # 2.
"My every action comes from the Heart of my Being, and I Consciously let go of pressure and stress".
Mantra # 3.
" I do not have to DO anything, I need only BE my True Self".
b.) I say this daily prayer to God, Which I Am:
I ask that every action come from my Soul, from pure Self-Love, from the Heart of my Being. I ask that my God-gifts radiate to my every breathing moment. My strengths and abilities are gifts from God, Which I Am.


6.) Do The Practices every day for one week.


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