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Getting Here Now - A Mystic's Journey

Pushing against the invisible Wall. My very own Wall. Long-standing, built through all the years of "must", "should", "now", "more", "have to", "got to", "can't stop", "fill the fucking time". The Wall looms - appearing endless in all dimensions.

I know how to push against the Wall. O, the habit of needing/wanting something to push against. In the past, crisis was the stimulus. Mine or another's. I loved the adrenaline rush.

Yes, I can rescue.
Yes, I can save.
Yes, I am right here.

O, the power of the Savior. First, I was seduced by the saving. Then I seduced by saving.

Yes, I will be your Answer Lady.
Yes, I will stop what I am doing and minister unto you.

What a high when I did it right! How did I know I had done it right? Because the other came back for more. I had to be better at it than before. O,Wall of my creation, you became a demi-god before my God.

Then something began to change. Little by little, I tired of all the roles I played so well. Do you remember the song, "Is That All There Is?"
I suddenly knew that "That" would never be enough.

At last I was ready to hear the Voice within.
The Voice said, "Are you ready to do what you came here to do?"
I finally said, "Yes."
The Voice said, "Then give up the Doing and Be!"
I said, "I don't know what Being is."
"True," said the Voice. "Let's start with the Wall."

"Not my Wall!" I cried aloud.
"Oh, yes," said the Voice. "You believe it is you. It is your reason for living. You push against the Wall so that you know you exist. The harder you push, the more identity you build. There are no answers on the Wall. There is no escape from the Wall until you are ready. There are three choices:

1.) You created the Wall. You can decide when it no longer exists.
2.) You can turn your back on the Wall and walk away.
3.) You can go through the Wall because it is Illusion anyway."

I looked at the Wall: my reason for living, my identity. Without it, I would be nothing.
"That's right," said the Voice. Are you ready to be nothing? Nothing at all?"
Then I had a great insight: The Wall was my Teacher. I had become a Master of Doing through the teachings of the Wall.
Now, a new Teacher was standing before me. The Master of Nothing. The lesson was BEING.



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