Pushing against the invisible Wall. My very own Wall. Long-standing, built through all the years of "must", "should", "now", "more", "have to", "got to", "can't stop", "fill the fucking time". The Wall looms - appearing endless in all dimensions.
I know how to push against the Wall. O, the habit of needing/wanting something to push against. In the past, crisis was the stimulus. Mine or another's. I loved the adrenaline rush.
Yes, I can rescue.
O, the power of the Savior. First, I was seduced by the saving. Then I seduced by saving.
Yes, I will be your Answer
What a high when I did it right! How did I know I had done it right? Because the other came back for more. I had to be better at it than before. O,Wall of my creation, you became a demi-god before my God.
Then something began to change.
Little by little, I tired of all the roles I played so well.
Do you remember the song, "Is That All There Is?"
At last I was ready to hear the Voice within.
"Not my Wall!" I cried aloud.
I looked at the Wall: my reason for living,
my identity. Without it, I would be nothing.
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