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Raised In A Fear-Based Family

I led a very fear-based life up until my 40's when I discovered my mystical nature. I learned first how to name and embrace the fear and choose Love. Then I learned to hold both the Love and fear and stand in neutrality. In the Serene Center of my Being within my Heart. This is the place I want to live. (The place of the Watcher, my Soul.)

In my childhood when other children were playing, I was worrying. Worry is a lack of trust in self, in God. I learned very clearly not to trust myself. There was an energy of fear and stress in my home. This impacted me strongly from the moment I came into this life.

This early history of fear and stress expressed itself in my physical body. I developed a nervous tic at age 2, vomited weekly on dates at age 16, vomited every night at age 20, genital herpes at age 22, Multiple Sclerosis at age 35. I had learned to be afraid of my self, of my power, of my uniqueness, of my knowledge, my courage, and of my sexuality. I lived as the victim always triangulating with a persecutor and savior. (My parents played the roles of both persecutor and savior.) I looked outside the Love which I did not know how to give myself.

Fear is the withholding of Love from oneself and another. How did I learn this? My parents learned it from their parents. They lived in war times and The Depression. Fear was a strong part of the Collective Consciousness at that time. There was also a religious fear passed down through generations in my faith. The Jewish people were persecuted, as were many other groups of people. The Jewish faith never wants this to be forgotten.

Being a Jew and the child of these parents, I took on the characteristics of a fear-based existence. The Divine Order of this was to clear the lines that hold my family, my lineage in this place of contracted Love, or fear.

Let all experience the Love which they truly are.

I created the physical ailments which brought me here, to Spirit, home to myself. Everything is illusion back to God. I acknowledge the Divine Order of this and give great thanks. In developing Multiple Sclerosis, I was guided to a teacher who assisted me in seeing and naming the fear so that I could choose to Love myself. Learn to truly Love myself. There is no finer gift than this. It has been a long path, yet not long at all. The path of choosing Love over fear may take a lifetime, or may be accomplished in the blink of an eye. It requires the vigilance of one committed to living in the Truth of one's Being. The early childhood experience of joy and Love and spontaneity can be relived every day that I choose Love over fear.

Let all experience the Love which they truly are.



For further reading on a particular subject found in this writing, please click on a topic heading below:

Change/Transformation Family
Love Negative Feelings
Positive Feelings Self-Love


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