4.) REALIZATIONS: WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON HERE?

a.)	Ego Perspective:

1.)	I am no good, I am weak and pitiful.
2.)	I am an inept, terrible mother.
3.)	I don't keep track of her.
4.)	I don't deserve to have her with me.
5.)	I am not taking responsibility for her.
6.)	I am irresponsible and careless. I have no rules!
7.)	I let this happen. It is all my fault.
8.)	I am furious. Where is she!
9.)	I am pissed. My anger is red hot.
10.)	My mothering faults are exposed for all to see.
11.)	I hate being a mother. I hate this responsibility.
12.)	I hate myself.

Worst End Scenario:

My daughter could be hurt, in an accident, raped, or killed. It's my fault, all my fault. I let her go without proper supervision. I let her go without telling me where she was going, or who she was going to be with, or when she would be home. I'm frightened, I don't know where she is. I am selfish. I am stupid. I was consumed with my own plans. I deserve this. I deserve to lose her. I am to blame. I deserve to suffer. Punish me ! I will suffer. If I lose her I will die inside.

b.)	Psychological Perspective:

1.)	Who/What imprinted you? And How?

1.)	My parents imprinted me with panicking when the unexpected happens.
2.)	My mother imprinted me with fearing the worst.
3.)	My mother imprinted me with blaming myself.
4.)	My mother imprinted me with being in fear in situations that are out of my control.
5.)	My father imprinted me with feeling angry whenever I feel threatened.
6.)	My parents imprinted me with feeling angry when I sense my child rebelling.
7.)	My father imprinted me with feeling like I have to be in control of every situation.
8.)	My father imprinted me with physically showing anger.
9.)	My church imprinted me with feeling that I did something wrong, so God must be punishing me. I have to be the one to suffer.
10.)	My church imprinted me with feeling that I will suffer for someone else.
11.)	My church imprinted me with feeling that I am a sinner.
12.)	My church imprinted me with feeling that I must atone for my sins.

2.)

The Payoff. Name it. Name the Negative Power that feeds the Payoff.

By adopting my mother's panic and self-blame, I get lots of attention from my friends by calling everyone and sharing my panic and drama. By adopting my father's anger patterns, I feel the adrenaline rush of my own juices. I feel the seduction of my own power. I am seduced by the drama into indulging in the self-gluttony of negative emotions, and self-absorption of being the victim. The negative power feeding this payoff is rage at myself and rage that my daughter would do this to me.

3.)	What I need to change… inside myself.

1.)	I need to change my feelings of anger into feelings of balance and acceptance.
2.)	I need to change my feelings of panic into feelings of reason and patience.
3.)	I need to change my feelings of self-blame into feelings of Self Love.
4.)	I need to change my feelings of self absorption into feelings of openness and connection to other people.
5.)	I need to change my feelings of anger into feelings of love and honoring myself and others.
6.)	I need to change my feelings of betrayal into compassion for myself.
7.)	I need to change my feelings of helplessness into trusting that Divine Order is always in place.
8.)	I need to change my feelings of being a sinner who must suffer into granting self-forgiveness.
9.)	I need to change the feeling that God is punishing me into recognizing that part of me which is God.
10.)	I need to change my feelings of hopelessness into recognition of my courage and strength.
11.)	I need to change my feelings of embarrassment and shame into respect for myself and my parenting skills.
12.)	I need to change my feelings of guilt into feelings of worthiness and value.

4.)	Unfinished Mommy/Daddy Business:

1.)	Like my parents I immediately get angry at myself.
2.)	Like my parents I blame myself.
3.)	Like my parents I am filled with self-doubt.
4.)	Like my mother I hide my anger.
5.)	Like my father I show overt anger.
6.)	Like my mother I panic.
7.)	Like my father I lash out at myself and others with my rage.
8.)	Like my parents I hide my shame.
9.)	Like my parents I deflect my guilt.
10.)	Like my father I use a loud tone of voice to gain control over others.
11.)	Like my father I want to be the one in control.
12.)	Like my parents I want to control my child.

5.)	Triangulations:
	Show at least 3 triangles with you in each of the three positions: Victim (V), Savior (S), and Persecutor (P).

6.)	Negative Love Patterns:

1.)	My father taught me - "It's your fault if something goes wrong".
2.)	My father taught me - "If you would just try harder maybe you wouldn't make so many mistakes".
3.)	My parents taught me - "You never think before you act".
4.)	My church taught me - "You must pray for help from God".
5.)	My church taught me - "You don't deserve love because you're a sinner".
6.)	My mother taught me - "How can I love you when you're bad".
7.)	My mother taught me - "You make my life so difficult".
8.)	My parents taught me - "You can't be trusted with things that are really important".
9.)	My siblings taught me - "You are a stupid idiot".
10.)	My siblings taught me - "You don't know anything".
11.)	My parents taught me - "You don't know how to be responsible".
12.)	My parents taught me - "What do you expect when you don't listen to me".
13.)	My parents taught me - "I know what is right".
14.)	My father taught me - "Do what I say, not what I do".
15.)	My parents taught me - "Children should be seen and not heard".
16.)	My father taught me - "Don't you ever talk back to me".

c.)	SOUL Perspective:

Symbols from Soul: The vision given by Soul was two bodies floating in Isness. The bodies were totally immersed in and of the Light. The bodies were reclining horizontally, feet towards each other, with a 6 foot distance between them. There was a connecting bridge, grids of rainbow-like energy connecting one to the other. This rainbow canopy arched from feet to feet and heart to heart. This connection is a connection of Love. These two have a Soul Agreement carried into this embodiment. This connection is of Love, of God, of Oneness on the Soul level. This connection remembers no fear, only Love. This connection will always be present. Fear, anger, judgment, hurts are unknown in this realm. This realm of pure Love. The Souls of these two are always together in this pure Love. This awareness can be tapped into 24 hours a day, unceasingly. It is always available. Because I am now in connection with my Soul, I look at my childhood patterns with new awareness. In my childhood rules were rigid, and self-respect was a phantom. Self-Love was undiscovered. Living by these past childhood rules did not teach me how to love, honor, and respect myself. Being a parent today, I chose not to practice the rules of my childhood. I chose a different path of open loving, connection. As my daughter and I play, grow, and savor our life together, I am thankful for our openness, honesty, and loving compassion for each other. Our "rules" are agreements that hold respect and love for each other. They serve as guides, as an anchor of our mutual understanding. Our rules hold a sense of flexibility, fluidity, and freedom. These rules must be alive with our breath, with our learning, with our connection to Soul.

5.) Two Practices:

a.)

Be in the moment with my daughter…moment to moment, everyday, as demonstrated by my giving her my full attention, listening to her, looking directly at her, laughing with her, hugging her.

b.)

Plan for the expected as well as the unexpected. My daughter will be requested to leave me the full name, address, and phone numbers of the places where she intends to be, and the expected time-frame. If this plan changes my daughter will: 1.) Try to contact me by phone if appropriate. 2.) Leave me a message on our message machine at home. 3.) Call her father and let him know of the changes so that he may have full knowledge of her plans, time-frames, transportation needs, etc.

6.) Do The Practices every day for one week.

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