The exquisite ache in my Heart as I feel the presence of Love.
The Flame within, purifying my cells.
Consuming me whole.
Though I am tempted to seek outside myself for Illumination,
The Flame burns deeply within my Heart.
I know the Truth.
I must look within for all sustenance.
I explode in pure Love.
My Heart now outside myself as I Love others.
My Love rocks me like a baby.
I am bathed in the waters of my own cleansing tears.
Surrendering to the balm of my own soothing cries of Joy.
I am a fountain of Love that springs forth from the Serene Center of my Being within my Heart.
My chatterbox mind shrieks out from time to time, reaching, grasping to attach to some illusion, some reflection that it thinks is real. Endlessly, tapes play to itself about, "Who said what? How'd that happen? What does it all mean?" I finally shout, "Stop! Peace! Be still and know that I am God. " Dissolving into my God-breath once again. Breaking up the rigid spaces, softening out the angry lumps, loosening the tight clutches of my little mind.
After a while I no longer wait for The Beloved to come to me from outside myself. No human being can ever give me to myself. The fantasies subside. I dive deeper within my Heart. I ask my Soul to teach me the way of the Pathless Path. Teach me to stay here in my Heart and never leave.
What are we searching for?
What distracts us from our truth?
Why do we wander aimlessly from shop to shop, from lover to lover,
from job to job, from lifetime to lifetime?
Is it that we are afraid it will be cold and dark in our Hearts, our true home? We don't want to return to our true home and find that our dishes are dirty, our bed is unmade, our laundry smells, our floor is covered with grime, our shades are drawn, the air damp and cold, the refrigerator is empty. No, no, no, we don't want to look in our empty cupboards and face the extent of our self-neglect and self-loathing. We don't want to face our feelings of unworthiness. We don't want to look at how we have shamed ourselves, denied ourselves, shut ourselves up, squelched our own fire, snuffed out our own song.
It is much easier to look outside ourselves. To wander the streets looking for a party, or an all night bar, or someone else's dinner to eat, or another's couch to sleep on. It's easier to sit by someone else's fire and let them entertain us until the glitter wears off. Then we move onto the next house hoping to find a new place of comfort.
Is it from pure exhaustion that we finally succumb to the loving guidance of our Soul to come home and find our wholeness?
As we rest in the Heart of God, which is our Heart, we finally realize we must enliven and inspire ourselves. We find that the prison we have succumbed to is our own mind. Pain, doubt, and loneliness are self-created illusions that we have maintained with our habitual thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.
We realize we must make a choice. We are at a crossroads. We are the only one who can make a difference in our world. We hold the possibility of change in our own hand from moment to moment. We are continually creating and shaping our experiences. We are choosing where to put our attention. Choosing whether or not to inspire ourselves or sink further into hollow emptiness.
It is with our intention, our Love, and our willingness that we scrub the walls and the floor clean, ignite our hearth with warmth, spread color, texture, and appetizing aromas throughout our "Heart-home." At first we must persevere relentlessly, especially when we uncover a mess that has sat so long we shriek from the stench of it and want to wander away again. We keep asking ourselves, "What is it we really want?" More aimless searching or the solidarity of our own Self-Love? When we finally know that our own God flame is the only thing that matters after all, then we will have the courage to face anything in ourselves. Then we are willing to take responsibility for it, name it, and begin to change it. We rejoice in appreciation of ourselves as creator. "Wow, I created all this. I can release it and start anew."
Thus, the cleansing of our chaos becomes a deep labor of Love as we find new pieces of ourselves long forgotten. We can relish the change that is happening within us. The horrible demons that we once projected onto the world now transform into beloved angels who sing us to sleep at night. The more we uncover, the deeper we want to go. The deeper we go, the brighter grows our God flame.
After a while, wonder of wonders, we find that those whose couches we once slept on, whose dinners we used to eat, are now coming to our "Heart-home" to share in our newfound Love. Even more amazing, we come to find that their homes are now an extension of our homes. Even the all night bars, the parties, and the endless streets have become extensions of our Heart. So wherever we are, in any town, in any country, we are always at home. There is nothing that ever exists outside ourselves.
Everything without is within.
All that comes unto us, whether ugly or beautiful, is more fuel for our God flame.
What do we call our new home? What is its address?
City of the Serene Center,
State of our Being,
Within the Eternal Flame of our HEART.
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