It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised
its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck,
we'd all fall off.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars
in the world end to end someone would be stupid enough to try
and pass them.
Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor.
You can't have everything, where would you
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the
If the shoe fits, get another one just like
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait may
be the thing left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
When you're swimming in the creek, and an
eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is
a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes
cancer in rats.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could
use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have
most of it.
When you go into court you are putting yourself
in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out
of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why
some people appear bright until you hear them speak.