O.K., now fans, those of you who wait anxiously for my next wonderment each month, it's time I update you all to the "in" lingo which anyone who is in touch with what's way cool, like Moi, will be using. This is the age of fast food, fast sex, easy cash machines, quick dry cleaning, 15 min. buns of steel, 1 hr. photo developing, mini-marts, drive-through liquor stores, the 12 minute tan. It's a quick-fix life. We all live in an instant gratification kind of world. So now, dearies, we've created a quicker way to communicate with one another. Our words and language can be so bulky and tedious, don't you agree? So, from now on, let's all agree that the following will have universal meaning:

	bic = because I can
	brb = be right back
	convo = conversation
	d&c = dazed and confused
	filfre = feel free
	ffm = frequent flyer miles
	gac = get a clue
	goomm = going out of my mind
	imho = in my humble opinion
	irl = in real life
	ituwml = I trust you with my life
	iwegt = I won't even go there
	litfl = life in the fast lane
	lol = laughing out loud
	mso = my significant other
	nri = not really important
	nsl = no such luck
	rotfl = rolling on the floor laughing
	sool = shit out of luck
	s&str = stop and smell the roses
	tbk = truth be known
	wagtd? = what's a guy to do?
	wigfy? = was it good for you?
	wiwy&f = when I was young and foolish
	yr = yeah, right

You ARE getting the idea of this, aren't you? Some of you, however, are getting way more than the idea, they're getting very carried away with all of it. Take, for example, this letter I received this a.m. (that's morning, of course):

Dear Answer Lady, Oh My God!

I'm an IBM repairman. Well, actually, irl I'm a G-man with the FBI. I used to be with the CIA but tbk, we're all in cahoots with one another. I specialize in decoding. My specialty within that field has been working the KBG of the USSR. Now that we're no longer enemies, I'm feeling sool.

I'm real insecure about my future with this agency. I've got my PhD from UCLA and I know a lot about technology from my previous work with At&T. But now mso, DeeDee, won't marry me because of my uncertain finances professionally. I'm goomm, Answer Lady. I love her so much. She was Miss USA and a hostess on MTV. Unfortunately, she has a real low IQ, (but her EE bra size makes up for that). Also, she's real trainable.

Imho, I'm a "good catch". In fact, the AFL/CIO is asking me to work for them. I'd have to move out of DC and into NYC, though. It would mean leaving my XKE behind (I wouldn't dare drive it there) and DeeDee's MBW as well - that is, if she would agree to come with me. Now she works for GTE where her dad is CEO. I'd like her to transfer to MCI so we could earn ffm with AA.

Oh Yeah, I have one other little problem. It's nri, but the IRS is after me for taxes from 16 years ago. Wiwy&f, and doing a lot of XTC, LSD, and PCP, I guess I made a lot of screw-ups. Now they've got my #…they're after my ass! Maybe that's another reason to move?

Please, AL,omg!, E-mail me ASAP. This is a 911. I'm d&c. I worry about this 24/7. Ituwml!

Signed, WAGTD?

Dear WAGTD?

You know I'll always tell you like it is, but gac! Your life is, i.e., an alphabet soup. You make me want to buy a vowel just to talk to you! Your high IQ should help you decipher these q&a's. Running away with Ms. EE DeeDee won't solve anything. Tbk, I'm rotfl. Your quick fix mentality is consuming you! Your quick EVERYTHING will simply get you doa sooner (so, I guess, THEN you can rip) but why not enjoy life. When St. Peter asks wigfy?, you'll have to say, "Sorry, I missed it." S-l-o-w down, G-man. Breathe. S&str. Stop litfl - pull into a rest stop. Snuggle into those EE's and enjoy life. There's IRS in NYC too, bub. You might try Tahiti, though. Find a different pace than our US of A has. I can see that it's getting to you. Lose the alphabet life and get into song. A lullaby, for instance. You're a "do-run-run" kinda guy without a clue. Chill! Why do I speak so harshly to you? BIC! I'm,

The Answer Lady, Oh My God!

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